If I Could Be With You Read online

  “Don’t call me Charlie when you’re telling me what to do.” He stopped sucking to look up at her. “I’m in charge of what’s happening here, if you haven’t figured that out by now.” Cold air assaulted her aching nipple as she shivered. He was breathing heavily, “If you want me to stop, just tell me now. I know we’re both emotional, but I don’t want to hurt you, Hannah.”

  He let go of her arms and she rubbed her wrists with her hands.

  “You’re not hurting me, Charles.”

  She placed her hands on his shoulders and grabbed his erect dick, centering its head at her core. She raised and lowered her hips, guiding him into her, gasping at the size and weight of him as he filled her.

  “Fuck me,” she said softer this time, the anger drained from her body.

  He responded to her words and her tone by moving forward and up. When he heard her gasp, he retreated and began again. He thrust deeper and harder at each of her moans.

  “Touch yourself, Hannah. I want to see you come with me inside of you.”

  She reached down and ran her finger over her swollen clitoris. Tiny currents of electricity rushed through her, mixing with the deepening ache in her center. She rubbed gently at first, but pressed harder as he increased the speed of his thrusting. A feeling of inevitability overtook her and she felt the trembling start in her toes.

  Charles grabbed her ass harder and plunged into her over and over. She closed her eyes and moved her hips against her own fingers and his cock. She heard herself groaning with pleasure as the sensations washed over her. He hardened inside and called out her name as he found his own release.

  CHAPTER Eight

  Hannah did a decent job of pretending Charlie wasn’t married, at least for few days, but in the middle of her second week of classes, an opportunity presented itself that she couldn’t resist. As she caught the subway back to her home away from home she recognized a head of short, pixie blonde hair in the crowd.

  “Melanie!” she called out.

  The petite woman turned to look for the voice and when she connected it to Hannah, a broad smile broke across her face. She waved her hand and started making her way through the bodies crammed together in the humid, underground station.

  “Hannah,” she reached out to embrace her. “Sorry about the sweat! This place is an oven.”

  “Tell me about it,” Hannah replied. “I love the ease of the subway but waiting to actually get on it is a real pain. Especially in this heat.”

  “Yeah, but it beats car payments, finding parking, the cost of gas...” She counted off on her fingers. “So, we haven’t heard from Charles since our double date. Everything going OK?”

  Double date. So, Melanie really did understand the situation. She’d probably understood it before Hannah did. As much as Hannah wanted to stay focused on the present and keep pretending that Nadia didn’t exist, this was an opportunity for information she couldn’t pass up. When would she ever get the chance for an unbiased, objective view of what was happening in her life?

  “Really? He hasn’t called you? I’m sorry,” she said.

  “No need to be sorry. I figured you were keeping each other busy.”

  She winked at her.

  “Melanie,” she took a chance. “Would you have time to stop off for a drink somewhere? I’d really love to talk about what’s happening with someone who knows the whole story.”

  Melanie looked down and checked the small, classic gold watch that wrapped her wrist. “It’s almost six, but I don’t have to meet Eric until eight. I guess I could just stay in this dress. You think it’ll work for a romantic dinner in little Italy?” She tried to twirl in the short black outfit.

  “Watch it,” an older man in a suit and tie growled at her as he loosened his tie from the heat.

  She fell into Hannah giggling.

  “Let’s go. There’s a place about a block from here that Eric and I love.”

  She followed Melanie up and out through the maze of people making their way home from work and those heading out for a summer evening of fun. As they left the subway Hannah was surprised to feel such a dramatic difference in temperature. The sweltering above ground heat almost felt like air conditioning, for a second anyway. A few minutes later, they stepped into the actual cool air of a small, shotgun style bar with black and white tiles on the floor and a huge polished oak bar that ran the length of the room.

  “There’s a booth in the back that’s pretty private. I’m assuming you want to talk- talk, right?” She emphasized talk in a way that let Hannah know Melanie understood exactly what this was about.

  “Yes,” Hannah shook her head and followed.

  Melanie stopped off and ordered two draft Stellas. The man behind the bar, who obviously knew her, promised to bring them over and they scooted into the small booth with burgandy seats. Hannah put her laptop and purse to the side.

  “Thank you so much for coming with me. I love being with Charlie, but other than my PD classes, he’s the only social life I’ve had.”

  “And I’m sure the definition of how you’ve been spending your time isn’t exactly social!” She laughed.

  Hannah felt the color rise in her cheeks. This woman was the same age a Charlie. Why was she allowing her to make her feel like a teenager caught having sex? She was a grown woman, independent and single, there was no reason she couldn’t have as much sex as she liked - with whomever she liked.

  “I am so happy you came to town, Hannah. To be honest, I’d almost given up hope that Charles might find a way to get a real life. He’s been living for other people so long, I thought maybe he’d forgotten he had his own needs to consider.”

  “You’re talking about Nadia?” she asked.

  “Ah...Nadia. Yes, I am.”

  The bartender brought over their drinks and Hannah took a large sip from the tall glass filled with beer.

  “I need to know everything. Charlie’s told me some of it, but I think there are things he doesn’t really get from his perspective.”

  “Like what?” Melanie raised a finger and called out to the bartender, “Mike, send over some fries when you get a chance.” She looked at Hannah, eyebrows raised, “You good with that?”

  “Yeah, fries are always good.” She smiled. She liked Melanie a lot. If she ended up in New York, they might really become friends. The thought took her by surprise: If she ended up in New York. Was she really considering changing her whole life for a man?

  “So, he told me about the marriage being one of friendship - not love or sex,” she started.

  “That’s absolutely true, at least from Charlie’s perspective,” Melanie said.

  “See! That’s what I mean. He mentioned that Nadia has no idea I’m here because she gets insecure about the thought of him with other women, but I think it’s got to be more than just insecurity. How could she not be in love with him?”

  “Are you, Hannah? In love with him?”

  Hannah almost choked on her beer. How should she answer that? Did she even know?

  “It’s OK. You can hold off on your answer. Let’s talk more about Nadia, because I think you’re absolutely right in assuming they have very different ideas of what’s going on. You know that she became a citizen a few years ago? They don’t have to be married anymore.”

  “That’s what caused our first fight,” Hannah replied.

  “U-huh, I can see how it would. He told you then?”

  “With a little digging. I’m not sure he would have.”

  “How serious are you about what’s happening here, Hannah? I mean, is there really a purpose to us having this conversation or will you leave in a few weeks and never look back? It would be easy enough to do.”

  “Have you met Charlie? Anyone who thinks leaving him would be easy doesn’t have a firm grasp on reality.”

  “I’ll pretend my all consuming love for Eric prohibits me from seeing your point. I’m sure my grasp on reality is intact.” She laughed again. “I haven’t eaten all day, I need to s
low down or I’ll be drunk for my dinner.”

  “I can understand why Nadia wouldn’t want to leave him, but she can’t expect him to give up a family of his own for her. Why would she want to stay with a man that doesn’t love her that way?”

  “Simple,” Melanie said. “She thinks he will. She knows about you, you know.”

  “Not that I’m here.”

  “No, but she knows you’re the one person who could take Charles away from her. That’s probably why he didn’t tell her. Why hurt her if you’re not going to stick around?”

  “That’s what he said. Are you sure you two haven’t talked?”

  “Positive. But I’m sure that’s what he said because I know him, Hannah. He’s been our friend for years. I also know that he loves you and if he’s going to truly settle down with anyone, he wants it to be you.”

  Hannah mulled it over. How could she really know if he loved her? He’d been in love with an image of her that he’d carried around for years. He was only now starting to really figure out whom she was. She was in the same boat. He’d been the cute neighbor with the exciting life in New York but how much did she even know about him?

  Was he really ready to settle down and start a family? And even if he was, what if she couldn’t give it to him? Lots of her friends were still having kids but it wasn’t a given that it would happen for everyone. What would he be giving up by attaching himself to an older woman?

  “You’re worried he doesn’t really love you, that he doesn’t know you because you haven’t really ever been friends,” Melanie said.

  “That has crossed my mind. I also worry about the age difference.”

  “Well, that’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Excuse me?” Hannah asked, somewhat taken aback.

  “Age is really just a number. It’s your soul that matters. Look at Eric and me. We’ve got 15 years between us but our souls are in exactly the same place.”

  “You realize that sounds cheesy as hell, right?” Hannah asked.

  Melanie dissolved into a fit of giggles. “Yes, but it’s true. I love Eric so much.”

  Hannah felt the laughter bubbling up inside her. Melanie’s exuberance was contagious.

  When things settled down, Melanie signaled for the check.

  “Listen, Hannah. I think you love him and I know that’s scary, but when you meet the person that you know is the one, you have to grab that opportunity in the moment. Forget about Nadia. Use this time to convince him and yourself that you have a future together and when she gets back, it won’t matter. He’ll choose you.”

  She reached out and took Melanie’s hand, “I think you might be right. I just needed to hear someone tell me to do it.”

  Melanie got quiet and a more serious look came over her face.

  “Don’t hurt him,” she said. “His feelings for you are his homeport in the storm, his true north, if you will. If he loses you now, he’s lost the dream of you, too. I’m not sure he could take that, and as much as I like you, I’d hate you forever for it.”

  Hannah gave her hand a squeeze and stood up.

  “Hurting him is the last thing I want to do.”

  “Good. Now get home to him. I’ve got a date with a sexy older man.”

  They parted ways at the door. Hannah decided to splurge on a taxi. She was slightly buzzed and didn’t want to get on the wrong train at a transfer. As she hopped into the backseat of the cab, her cell rang.

  “So you are alive,” a male voice rang out.

  “Charlie! Oh God. Sorry, I didn’t think you might get worried.”

  “It’s fine. Where are you? Should I get dinner on my own?”

  “No, I’m in a taxi. I grabbed a beer with Melanie and just didn’t think to call. I’ll be home soon. We can make something, or go out if you want.”

  “Home. Sounds good,” his voice was relaxed and happy. “Hannah?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m glad you went out on your own.”

  “Me, too.”

  CHAPTER nine

  He was sitting on the couch waiting for her when she walked in. He looked up, smiled, and she melted. Her conversation with Melanie, while not really providing her any new information, had definitely boosted her confidence. What was happening here was real and she had the chance to grab what she wanted and make her life what she knew it could be. Who would have ever guessed that little Charlie McMillan would be her soulmate.

  His dark waves, wet from the shower, fell across his forehead casting shadows on those reef blue eyes. He had the smile of an angel but she knew there were wicked thoughts behind it. Her body responded immediately to being within a few feet of him. He rose.

  “Ready to go?” he asked.

  “I just walked in the door!”

  “But I’m starving,” he said.

  She dropped her bags in the red chair and pulled the ponytail holder from her hair, shaking it free.

  “So am I,” she said and started unbuttoning her white lace blouse. She slipped the sleeves down her arms and moved to the button at the side of her skirt. She looked up to see his reaction. He sat back down and leaned back against the couch, propping his ankle on his knee and lifting one eyebrow. An invitation to continue? She saw him lick his lip and shift uncomfortably. When she looked again she noticed his tented shorts. She let a seductive smile spread and pushed the skirt down her legs, stepping slowly out of it and closer to the couch.

  “Hannah.”

  She heard him breathe out her name as he ran one hand through his hair.

  She took another step in his direction, reached back and unhooked her bra, freeing her breasts. The shock of cold air hardened her nipples and she raised her fingers to touch them, all the while staring straight into his eyes. Desire flooded through her and she felt herself grow wet with wanting. She pushed her panties to the floor and stepped out of them. She could reach out and touch him if she wanted.

  “Hi honey, I’m home,” she said and closed the distance between them, placing one knee on each side of him without sitting down.

  He raised his hands and ran them through her hair. When they reached her shoulders he trailed his fingers along her collarbone, then lower towards her nipples.

  She leaned her face close to his, placing her lips right next to his but not moving in for the kiss. Their breath mingled as his fingertips teased her nipples. His tongue reached out and lightly traced the outline of her bottom lip before nipping it with his teeth.

  A small sound of pleasure escaped her.

  She could feel his hard cock straining against his shorts, so she pressed down, making full contact through the cloth. His hands left her breasts and traveled down her waist as he continued sucking and biting her lower lip. He moved them lower and she put her hands on his, stopping him in his tracks.

  She opened her mouth and deepened their kiss, for the first time truly giving into the fact that she had real feelings for this man and that what was happening between them was something she could have for a lifetime if she just had the courage to reach for it.

  Instead of trying to continue, his hands went the other way and Hannah felt herself being lifted up an off of his body. He placed her gently beside him and stood up, removing his clothes. Naked and fully turned on, he stood before her and held out a hand.

  “Where do you want to go?” she asked.

  He just smiled at her and led her towards the red chair. He placed her hands on its back and leaned her over so that she stood with her legs apart, breasts hanging. She felt his hands caress her behind, squeezing and rubbing. She could hear him breathing heavily as he slid a finger inside her. He leaned down and kissed her hip, shoving another finger deeper than before.

  He pumped his fingers until she felt like she would scream and only when a sob of need tore from her throat did he pull back and replace his fingers with his shaft between her legs, rubbing it against her wetness and teasing her opening. Reaching for him she guided him inside her and pressed back i
nto him until she could feel him deep against her center.

  “Oh my God,” she whispered as he started to move slowly in and out.

  His hands pulled at her hips and increased his speed. With every thrust she felt herself moving closer and closer to an edge, a cliff she desperately wanted to dive off.

  “Faster,” she called out.

  He obliged.

  “Deeper,” she exhaled with a moan.

  He buried himself inside of her.

  “Touch me,” she commanded.

  He leaned farther over and brought his hand between her legs. He palmed her and rubbed in time with his thrusts. The angle changed but with his hand between her legs it didn’t matter. She felt herself rising, higher and higher, reaching for the love she knew he had to give, for the moment of surrender and release.

  “Charles,” she screamed his name as her orgasm ripped through her.

  His thrusting increased and he moaned as she felt him come inside of her.

  “Hannah,” he whispered and brought her up to face him. “My Hannah.”

  And in that moment she knew it was true. She was his Hannah. She didn’t want to belong to anyone else. This man was the man she’d been looking for her whole life. She lifted her face and kissed him.

  “I love you, Charles.”

  CHAPTER ten

  The experience of her first Broadway show was not one she was soon to forget. She’d been worried that she’d have nothing to wear but was thrilled to come home from her last class before the weekend and find a gorgeous black sheath in just her size with heels to match.

  “I checked the clothes you brought and had Melanie pick something up,” Charles told her.

  When she’d gone into the bathroom to shower two nights later she found the diamond studs and her knees went weak. Charles had been waiting behind the door in his room and when he heard the box click open he’d slid into the bathroom to see her face.

  “What? Why? These are too much!”

  But she’d already been in the process of trying them on. No one had ever given her such an extravagant gift and while she didn’t know why he believed she deserved them, she was confident his desire to please her was pure. He didn’t want anything more from her than for her to be herself.