If I Could Be With You Read online

  If I Could Be

  With You

  Mary Mamie Hardesty

  Copyright © 2015 K. L. Davis

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN: 978-0-9964657-0-0

  DEDICATION

  For all my fellow readers out there who are in love with LOVE.

  If I Could Be With You is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental

  Cover Art edited by K.L. Davis

  Shutterstock license, Image ID: 115994308

  Copyright: conrado

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thanks to all my friends who gave advice and encouragement, in addition to all the writers from whom I’ve drawn inspiration and encouragement through the years

  PART ONE

  CHAPTER One

  He was married. Was there anything else that could be added to that sentence to make it OK? He was married, but unhappily? He was married, but to a bitch? He was married, but secretly gay? None of which were true, and yet, when he held her hand, and asked about her life, she felt like she was the only woman in the world. Dreams of his hands on her body, their weight as they covered her both safe and erotic, overwhelmed her.

  She touched the numbers on her cell slowly, entering the New York prefix, knowing she had seven digits more before she had to make a choice. In this chess game of attraction it was definitely her move, but she had little experience with strategy. Just last week she had contemplated affairs with married men in the snobbish manner of a Puritan elitist. As her high school friend talked of her affairs, she’d laughed and nodded, but judged nonetheless. Now, she sat in a similar position.

  The phone rang three times to voicemail. A sensuous, deep voice spoke, “This is Charles. You know what to do.”

  “Charlie, It’s Hannah. I was just calling to make definite plans for the weekend. No hurry, since I’m not leaving until Thursday. Call back whenever.”

  She had set things up to stay with him before she’d seen him at the fundraiser for a local charity. She recalled Lilly’s reaction at seeing Charles after his eight years away.

  “My God. Did you see how good he looked? Those blue eyes and dark curls? God I wish Joe still had hair! And don’t even get me started on his backside. I’m sorry, but little Charlie McMillan is hot.”

  The sorry probably came from the fact that for most of their lives, Charlie had been too young to think of as anything but an annoyance. He’d been eighteen when he’d left for school, but they’d been women in their late twenties, intensely focused on marriage, not college boys. Lilly’s quest had been successful, Hannah’s – not so much.

  She’d stared at him on the dance floor. He was hot. How could she have forgotten? It had made her all the more self-conscious of the fact that she’d already invited herself to stay at his place when she visited New York in a few weeks while taking professional development classes at Columbia. While saving money was certainly her intention and a plus, she’d also been looking forward to having someone to hang with that could show her around the city. Now her idea of hanging seemed to be evolving quickly into fantasies that made her slightly uncomfortable.

  He’d been so gracious when she’d asked.

  “Nadia went home to Morocco for two months. I have plenty of space, and a guest bedroom.” He’d said.

  She’d been filled with sisterly feelings of gratitude, feelings of gratitude that dissipated immediately at the party upon seeing his well-muscled torso and tight ass. She threw herself against her pillow and remembered the state of arousal she’d found herself in while sipping champagne from across the room. It had been foreign and exciting.

  Her body had turned off after her breakup with Jess six months ago. No matter whom she met, or how she’d flirted, she was numb below the waist. The only thing working for her had been her favorite online site and her little friend in the bedroom drawer – and even those occasions had been rare. Desire had been a word sorely missing from her vocabulary for too long.

  Charlie barely spoke of his wife that night. Whenever anyone brought Nadia up, he’d managed to shift the topic as he glanced her way. The air of confidence and maturity that oozed from him shocked her. He had casually touched her arm and back earlier in the evening, gradually progressing to her waist as he squeezed past her to the bar. Just a light touch, it could have been an accident, but the heat that rushed through her let her know she didn’t want it to be.

  “So what’s going on in your life Miss Hannah?” He’d reached out and taken her hand just as she’d realized the table at which they sat had emptied and only strangers sat a few yards away, engrossed in an intense conversation about the latest ecological disaster.

  “The usual.” She didn’t know how much he wanted to know. They’d never been close. Their families had celebrated holidays and she’d given him hugs while surface talking for years but she’d sensed that night he was looking for more. Of course, that could have been the bubbly.

  “Tell me.”

  “Well, it’s almost summer so I’ll be finished with work for a while. I need to decompress some and get a little professional development time in, that’s why I’m headed to New York.”

  “Yeah, I’m really glad you’re coming. The city’s an amazing place. I’m looking forward to showing it to you.”

  “You know you don’t have to do that. I don’t want to impose. The room is plenty.”

  “Are you kidding? Hannah Miller in New York City and you expect me to stay in? I’ve wanted a chance to spend quality time with you since we were kids.”

  She didn’t mention to him that they’d never really been kids at the same time. It was flattering to be complimented with such finesse. She laughed instead.

  “Well then, you’re welcome. If I’d known I was fulfilling a dream I’d have scheduled a flight years ago.”

  “Seriously,” His thumb had stroked her palm. His hand was large and covered hers completely. “I can’t wait to have you there.”

  She’d swallowed hard at his choice of words. It had flustered her enough to leave her speechless. She was out of practice, but she knew what it felt like to flirt, and be flirted with. What was he doing?

  “How’s your family?”

  “Oh, they’re fine. They’re loving Phoenix. Mom golfs every day and Dad’s still working hard at the bakery, but I think he’s close to retiring.”

  At the mention of her father he’d flashed a broad grin.

  “Glad he’s not around tonight actually.” He’d squeezed her hand and continued, “Did you know that when I was younger he told me if I ever touched his daughter, he knew ten ways to kill me?” He’d let his eyes linger on their tangled fingers.

  “What? He must have been talking about Susie.” She referred to her youngest sister that had been closer to Charlie’s age.

  “No, no. He was definitely talking about you. We’d all gone to the movies together, and I guess he caught me looking at you a little too intensely for his liking.”

  “Intensely? What are you talking about? You were like 10 years-old then.”

  “I’ve always been a man that knew exactly what he wanted Hannah.”

  She’d crossed and uncrossed her legs, quickly dropping his hand as she saw Lilly making her way to their table. What would she say about the conversation they were having?

  He’d turned to see what had changed and invited Lilly over to sit and relax with them. He did it with such ease that she wondered if she’d imagined it all. She’d seized that moment to make her retreat. As she’d leaned in to hug him, his lips brushed her cheek. The sudden blast of electricit
y between them could have sparked a city-wide blackout. She’d backed away and hugged her sister, explaining that she had to be somewhere early the next day.

  That was three nights ago. She put her cell on the bedside table, and exhaled her pent up breath. In three more nights she would be sleeping in his apartment, the apartment he shared with his beautiful wife she’d met only once, and wouldn’t be seeing this summer. Surely when she was in his home, the pictures and presence of another woman’s things would bring her hormones back to reality. He’d been flirting, that’s all, just flirting, and he’d done nothing wrong. But she wondered, had Nadia seen the way he’d held her hand at the party, would she have agreed?

  CHAPTER Two

  Hannah loved the descent portion of a flight. Lilly and Susie found take off to be the most exciting, but she never felt safer in a plane than when at landing. Bumps and all, the reality of being so close to her destination gave her the feeling of inevitable safety. She waited in her seat knowing that she could take her time as anxious passengers making connections rushed past her. No need to hurry, she was in a new place worthy of her attention.

  LaGuardia airport surprised her in its simplicity. She wasn’t sure what she expected but it didn’t feel as if she was in New York City. She made her way to the baggage claim and into the taxi line before it finally dawned on her. She wasn’t really in New York City, well not the New York City of the movies. That was Manhattan, or maybe the Bronx. She was in Queens, and it felt eerily similar to her hometown.

  “Fifteen dollars,” the heavily accented taxi driver said pulling up to a small building that apparently held Charlie’s apartment. She counted out the cash, added a small tip, and gathered her belongings. When she turned to grab her bag she heard his familiar voice call her name. She has such a hard time reconciling the voice of a man with her memory of a boy.

  “Hannah! I’ve been waiting.” He reached out and took the bag from her hand, placing his free arm around her shoulder.

  My God, he smelled good, clean and fresh with just a hint of summer sweat. The feel of his body pressed against her did nothing to alleviate the feelings of attraction that had been building since the night of the party. If he noticed, he didn’t react. He ushered her into a small two-bedroom apartment sparsely furnished, but well kept.

  “Sit down! Summer taxi rides from LaGuardia can be a heated endeavor. Let me get you a cool drink.”

  She sat on a comfortable loveseat next to an open window. There seemed to be no air in the apartment but a nice breeze found her, lifting her wet hair off the back of her neck. It had been a warm cab ride, and she could feel the stickiness of her clothing against her body. What she really needed was a cold shower, and not just because of the weather.

  “Here you go. Tall glass of ice water. I’ve been holding off on the air for as long as I can. Not good to waste energy in today’s economy right?”

  She nodded, but totally disagreed. Air conditioning was a necessity in her life.

  He sat and angled his body towards her, one arm on his leg and the other carelessly thrown against the back of the sofa. Was it her imagination or did the air between them actually crackle? He let his gaze drink her in without any effort to hide his appreciation. She drained the water from the glass and placed it on the table. She looked around for a picture of his wife to calm her nerves and give her the strength to resist throwing herself at him, but there were no pictures in the room.

  “We just moved before Nadia left for Morocco. There’s a lot of stuff still in storage. Would you like the tour or do you need to sit a while longer?”

  “Oh. I’m fine, really.” Then she paused, felt her heart beating fast against her ribcage, and changed her mind. “Yes, give me the tour and I’ll put my things away. I think if you don’t mind, I’d also love a shower. Travel always leaves me feeling a little yucky.”

  “Sure.”

  He leaned over to grab her bag and took her hand in his, pulling her from the couch and not letting go as he led her to her room. It was strange to Hannah, this physical affection that seemed to naturally emanate from him. Perhaps it was really just who he was and she was reading too much into it. She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  “Here’s your room. The shower’s right in there and connects to my room, so you’ll want to lock the door for privacy. I’m sure you don’t want me busting in on you, right?” His eyes seemed to sparkle mischievously at the thought.

  “Good advice! Thanks.” She pulled her hand from his and opened the bag upon her bed trying to signal her readiness to be alone.

  She pulled out her shampoo and conditioner and turned on the shower. When she had the perfect mix of warmth with a chill in the water she stripped her shirt from her body and removed the rest of her clothing piece by piece. A mirror covered the wall opposite the shower and as she undid her bra, she caught a glimpse of her hard rose-colored nipples. She couldn’t help what she was feeling. It was like she’d been in a constant state of arousal since he’d confessed his boyhood desire in the yard. Her breasts were no longer the breasts of a sixteen year old girl, but they were full and perky, and her favorite part of her body.

  She let her hands cup them as her fingers reached for her nipples and squeezed tightly. The pinching sent a shiver of pleasure straight through her body. She saw the look of desire glaze her own eyes and she wondered how she would make it through these five weeks with her morals intact. She had no intention of sleeping with a married man.

  She stepped into the shower and let the water trickle down her shoulders, rubbing it all over her breasts and stomach. She leaned against the wall and propped up her knee so she could cleanse between her legs, letting her hands follow the path of the water. As she did she imagined her hands were his, caressing her thighs. She let out a low moan and pressed her wet fingers against her center.

  If she didn’t find her release in the shower there would be no hope of holding back when Charlie was next to her. She rubbed herself in small circles and felt the tension mounting. She breathed in the scent of water mixed with her own wetness, and when she thought she couldn’t handle anymore she let her finger pitch inside of her.

  She knew the feelings of his hands on hers. It wasn’t hard to imagine that her finger was his, sliding in and out, deeper and deeper inside of her while she pretended her thumb on her clit was his tongue.

  “Oh God!” She gasped and came hard. Wave after wave of release pulsed through her.

  The click of a door brought her crashing back to reality and she peeked round the shower curtain. Had she forgotten the lock? Oh my God. There were towels on the counter. Had there been towels on the counter when she got in the shower? She’d been so into her fantasy that she hadn’t noticed.

  What if he heard her? How would she face him knowing he could have been a few feet from her when she came? Thank God she hadn’t called out his name. She returned to the business of her shower, trying to wash away her embarrassment with the grime in her hair.

  CHAPTER Three

  Hannah’s first subway ride was an experience. The R train was packed with commuters making their way into the city for various evening escapades as they headed out to meet Charlie’s friends at a Mexican place in Greenwich Village. With nowhere to sit, she ended up holding onto the hanging bar with one hand. When the car lurched forward, she fell back against him and found herself wrapped in his free arm. She thought she could make out the feel of his arousal against her backside, and tried to think of anything else. Could anyone around them see what was going on? Would they even care if they did?

  “You’ll be a pro in no time. It just takes some getting used to.” He let his hand rest on her hip and she felt his even breathing on her neck. Her fantasy in the shower flashed through her mind. To distract herself, she took in the diverse nature of the passengers. Conversation in languages other than her own surrounded her. Nothing in her experience of small town Ohio compared. She felt an excitement and a strange affinity with the whole experience. T
his was exactly what she had hoped the subway would be. From the loud and obnoxious, to the quiet readers, no one was afraid to go about their own lives. They weren’t even paying attention to her.

  “So, where are we going and who are we meeting?”

  Charlie had been pretty private regarding their plans.

  “Mexican food and friends from college. You’ll love it and the Village…promise.”

  When they emerged from the subway into the fading evening sun, Hannah felt deep contentment stir in her chest. This was the home she’d been looking for her whole life. The noise from the traffic, horns blaring, the smells some good, and some not, all of it felt like it fit. She looked up at the buildings, not skyscrapers as she’d expected, but still taller than what she’d grown up around.

  “And you went to college here?” Her voice filled with awe. “What an amazing life you must have had.” She was almost jealous. Her hometown experience of college life had been filled with good times, but who could she have become here in this metropolis?

  Charlie grabbed her hand, leading her through the throngs of people moving purposely towards their goals: families, dates, work, parties, an end of the day drink. Who knew what the evening held in store for any of them? After a short walk down tree-lined streets that seemed straight out of a film, they came across an open-air patio with patrons drinking margaritas amidst Latin music. With happy hour just beginning, they were lucky enough to get a table for four by the sidewalk.

  “Two passion fruit margaritas and some chili rellano. Does that sound alright to you Hannah?” But the waiter had already turned from them. He’d just asked to be polite.

  Part of her immensely disliked that he had ordered for her. Another part of her was enjoying this younger man that was so obviously in control of every part of their time together. If he was really that in control, it might not matter what she wanted when it came to sleeping with him, whether her decision was yes or no.