If I Could Be With You Read online

  “He wrote you poetry,” Lilly sighed.

  “I wanted so badly to believe it could be from him, but there was no stamp or return address. I assumed it had to be from someone in town, and then last night in the car, I found another note in my pocket with my phone. It was a riddle saying there were two romantic words waiting for me at home.”

  “That son of a bitch,” Lilly said with a smile. “Joe knew all along. He put the note in your coat. That’s why no one saw Charlie last night.”

  She shook her head, “And when I got home he was there in my yard, holding a sign that said, ‘I’m divorced’.”

  “Oh my God, I’m going to die from the sweetness of it all.”

  “Lilly, do you think it’s OK? Do you think I’m doing the right thing? He’s younger and he’s half a country away…”

  “New York isn’t half a country from Ohio, Han. Stop being so melodramatic. In my mind the only obstacle you two faced was the fact that he was married, and despite what you told me, I just didn’t think he was serious enough or mature enough to do what needed to be done to really be with you. But, he did! He’s sitting in there at the table with your family, letting himself be called your boyfriend, and you have obviously spent one hell of a night together. You could have at least showered,” she teased.

  Back at the table, Charlie glanced her way to make sure things had gone all right. She nodded and sat down. What followed ended up being the most normal and fun family breakfast she’d experienced in ages, maybe ever. The kids loved her new boyfriend and Lilly and Joe showed their support through conversation and laughter. When they rose to give their table to the waiting masses, Hannah felt better than she had years. Things were finally falling into place.

  Outside the Bacon Shack, Charlie pulled her into his arms for a kiss that shouldn’t have happened in public.

  “Wow,” she said under her breath. It was all she could manage to say in the moment.

  “Should we talk?” he asked.

  “I almost hate to say yes. After that kiss talking is the furthest thing from my mind.”

  “True,” he agreed, “but we can’t get to anymore of the good stuff until we get things squared away. I’m not here just to sleep with you, play boyfriend, and head back to New York, Hannah. We’re talking life changes here, no small moves.”

  The words scared her, but the feelings that accompanied them didn’t. She knew he was right. When you found love like what they shared, you needed to take risks. He’d taken a huge one on her by leaving Nadia. While his marriage may have been one of convenience, it worked for him. He’d been comfortable.

  “You’re not talking about leaving New York, are you?”

  “It wouldn’t be my first choice, no. I have a really good job that I can only see myself moving up in, and if I’m honest, I love the city almost as much as I love you. Almost,” he said. “Do you want me to leave New York?”

  “No. No, I love the city, too and my teaching certificate is transferrable. I can teach anywhere I go with a little paperwork and a few fees.”

  He opened the car door and waited for her to get in before closing it behind her and walking to the driver’s side. After turning the key in the ignition and adjusting the volume on the radio he asked, “So you’re serious then? You could see yourself in New York with me?”

  “I am.”

  He drove in silence, but the smile on his face told her everything she needed to know. “So, that’s it then? I’m moving to New York and we’re living together?”

  “What? No!”

  His sudden anger surprised her.

  “Why would you ever think I wanted to just live with you? I’m talking the whole deal, Hannah, marriage, kids, and the works. I would never insult you by bringing you to a whole other state, with a brand new job and friends, without marrying you.”

  She felt like an elephant suddenly sat on her chest. It was what she wanted, right? It was what she’d waited and waited for Jess to offer, but now that it was being put out there for real she was shaking and sweating profusely.

  “Are you OK, Hannah? I know we only talked briefly about this, but I thought it was what you wanted. I know you struggle with feeling like you deserve it, but you do, and I want to give it to you. I want to give you my life and make it ours.”

  She closed here eyes and took three deep breaths.

  “I’m OK,” she said. “Just a lot to take in all at once. Yes, you’re right. It is what I’ve wanted, and I did have huge issues with Jess and the fact that he kept putting me off over and over again, but now I think that was because he knew he wasn’t the right person for me. I just couldn’t bring myself to see it.”

  “That sounds like you’re giving the bastard a lot of credit. You told me he didn’t physically abuse you, but the way he treated you didn’t sound good.”

  “I let him, though.”

  “Bullshit, Hannah. We’re starting this relationship out with one hundred percent honesty. None of how he treated you was your fault. You were in a relationship. You had every right to expect respect and forward movement. You were his loss, not the other way around.”

  She reached for his hand, “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “You’re right. I know I deserve respect and forward motion as you put it. That’s why I left you in New York in June.”

  “Really?” he asked.

  She thought she heard hurt in his voice, but what did he expect? He’d been married to someone else. She definitely deserved more than that. “ I knew that the feelings I had for you deserved a real chance and they’d never get that if I just accepted the fact that you were with Nadia and let you think everything was OK, but I had no idea what you were going to do, so when I came home and I started looking for what I deserved instead.”

  “What does that mean? Looking for what you deserved.”

  He pulled into the driveway and she pulled her feet up under her, took off her seatbelt and faced him. “Exactly what it sounds like. I knew I deserved a husband and a family so I started looking for him. I joined an online dating site and went on easily 25 to 30 first dates.”

  The muscle in his jaw began to pulse. He had obviously not expected this confession.

  “So you mean to tell me that while I was having horrific, agonizing conversations with one of the best friends I’ve ever had, while I was trying to save her self-esteem and our friendship in a way that would allow me to pursue the future I’ve wanted with you since I was 10 years old, you were dating thirty different men? What the hell, Hannah?”

  She couldn’t suppress the giggle. She tried, but the more she tried the more she laughed, and the more she laughed the angrier he seemed to be getting. That made her laugh harder.

  “This isn’t funny,” he said, but she could see the corner of his mouth start to twitch. He sighed. “How many of them did you kiss?”

  “All of them,” she squealed. She couldn’t help it. He deserved to be messed with.

  “What?” he asked, the smile gone again.

  She took a few really deep breaths and tried to calm herself down, but the giggles kept coming whenever she looked at his face, which had turned a deep shade of purple.

  “OK, OK…hahaha. No, really. Charles, listen to me.” She reached out and rubbed his shoulder. They were all first dates. I didn’t go on any seconds, and I only kissed 5 or 6 of them. I promise.”

  He looked at her with slight suspicion.

  “You went out on thirty first dates and no one asked you on a second?”

  “I didn’t say that,” she said. “I had quite a few offers that I turned down because I couldn’t get a certain man from New York out of my head.”

  “Really? You really didn’t sleep with any of them?”

  She raised her shoulders and gave him her most serious look, “ I said I didn’t even kiss more than five or six. I am not a slut, Charles.”

  He instantly looked apologetic.

  “Let’s go inside,” he said.
r />   “Let’s.”

  CHAPTER sixteen

  She wondered how he would propose. The thought seemed so presumptuous and so wrong that she chided herself in her mind. Best just to let things take their natural course she thought as she he cuddled against him in the corner of her sofa watching the fire they had built together. He’d made it clear in the car that he was planning on marrying her and she should just trust in that, but then it occurred to her that maybe he considered that a proposal. There was no way in hell she would tell her children one day how daddy had gotten mad at mommy for thinking he just wanted to shack up with her and that’s how they got engaged.

  “You know,” she lifted her chin to look up at him, “ You aren’t getting away with just telling me we’re getting married. You have to ask, and I have to say yes.”

  Big blue eyes drank in every inch of her face. He was beautiful. How had she gotten so lucky as to be loved by him? And not just loved, he’d confessed to building his future with her in his head since he was ten years old. She was more than loved; she was wanted.

  He didn’t answer, just leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. The mixture of the heat from the fire, the sleepy haze in her brain and the sexy look in his eyes had her deepening the kiss and turning to press her breasts against his chest. His hand moved up to cup her over her sweater. He began massaging her nipple and lowered his mouth to her neck. She let out a long, slow, sigh. As if on cue he lowered his hand and ran it between her legs carefully staying on top of her jeans.

  “This is what it would have been like to make out with me in high school,” he told her as he continued sucking and licking her neck. “I would have been scared shitless to put my hand under your sweater for fear you’d have made me stop what I was already doing.” He continued rubbing between her legs. “Damn it, is it possible for me to feel how wet you are through your pants?” he asked.

  She laid her head back and nodded. She didn’t want to do anything to stop the crazy sensations floating through her body. She was butter in his hands and oh, what hands they were.

  “What time are your parents supposed to be home?”

  She momentarily lost focus on her arousal before realizing he wanted to play a game. Since what he was doing felt like heaven on earth, she decided to go along with whatever he said. She knew that no matter how the game progressed she’d be walking away with a win.

  “Not until late, a few more hours at least, but maybe we should move to a room where we’re not so out in the open just in case. Would you like to see my room?” she asked in her best teen girl voice.

  He groaned and she knew she’d played the part just right. He nodded and she pulled him up by his arms and guided him down the hallway.

  “I’m not supposed to let boys in my room, but I’d rather get in trouble for that than have them find us making out on the couch.”

  “I totally understand,” he said and let her lead him down the hall.

  “So this is it,” Hannah said as she led him into the room he’d made love to her in the previous night. “It’s pretty girly, but that’s my style. I like being a girl.”

  “I like you being a girl, too,” he said, almost breaking character. “So, this is a really comfortable bed you have here.” He pounced on her pillow and put his hands behind his head.

  “Yes,” she said shyly as she sat on the bed with him, edging closer and closer.

  He looked into her eyes and reached up to touch her face. “Hannah?”

  “Yes,” she held her breath waiting for his request.

  “What did you do with all your Rolling Stones posters? I thought they were your favorite?”

  She suddenly felt confused. The Rolling Stones were from the seventies. She didn’t even know any of their songs. Why would he ask her about posters from an old geezer band? And then she saw the corner of his mouth curve upwards at her bewilderment. He was calling her old. She reached back to smack him playfully, but he caught her wrist in his hand and in one swift move pinned her to the mattress.

  “Teen Hannah is enticing, but I like woman Hannah more.”

  His hand was already down her pants and his fingers danced around her most sensitive spot. She could barely breath, the air thick with her own desire and arousal.

  “I want you to come in my hand and then I want come in your mouth. How do you feel about that, Hannah?”

  The word yes was already on her lips and rolled easily off her tongue while he added his palm to the work his fingers were doing between her legs. The space between her jeans and her skin was so slight that his hand didn’t have room to do much else, but what he was doing was working in a way she’d never expected. When he managed to move his fingers lower and slid one inside she clamped her muscles around him hard and pushed up against him.

  “Come for me, Hannah. I want to see you let go. Come for me, baby.”

  The heat of his palm against her clit and the small movements of his fingers inside her, trapped between her skin and tight pants, pushed her over the edge and she cried out his name.

  For a moment they just laid there together, listening to each other breathe. He was watching her intently when she opened her eyes. “My turn,” he said and she smiled. She wanted to give him what he wanted, wanted so badly to make him feel all of the insane things her body was feeling, but she stood first and removed her clothing piece by piece while he watched in fascination.

  “If I ever get tired of watching you strip, just go ahead and kill me,” he teased.

  She kept her eyes on his as she let her bra and panties fall to the floor.

  “How wet were those panties?” he asked with a laugh and what she thought sounded like pride in his voice. She didn’t answer. She walked slowly over to the bed and began to undress him, pulling him up and throwing his tee to the floor. She pushed him back against the pillow and straddled his knees while she unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans.

  “Lift,” she said softly, tugging them from his tight ass down to his well defined quads. She rose up and reached behind her pulling them all the way off, and sent them to be one with his shirt. “You, Charles McMillan have been a very good boy, and good boys get rewarded. Is that what you want, Charles? Do you want a reward?”

  She saw him swallow hard before nodding. It was nice to see that the effect her words and movements had on him went beyond the hard cock bouncing slightly against his abdomen.

  But, that cock was her focus now. He wanted to come in her mouth and she wanted to make him. She lowered her head to his shaft and ran her tongue from the tip to his balls. His groan of approval let her know he wanted more so she added her hand and began stroking as she sucked. Up and down, licking and swirling, she loved the power she felt when he was thrusting into her mouth.

  “Slow down, Charles. I’ll take you there, I promise, but first…” she reached into the drawer of her bedside table. His lids dropped lower when he saw the silver bullet shaped vibrator she held in her hands.

  “Is that for me?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

  “Is there a problem if it is?”

  He simply shook his head and she lowered hers again. She began to lick and suck while grinding him with one fist. In the other, she flipped the switch to the lowest setting on her silver toy.

  His eyes were still closed but he let out a loud moan when she placed it behind his balls, not quite on his ass. She could feel him stiffen and pulse. He wouldn’t last much longer so she intensified her tongue movements and switched the toy to medium.

  “Holy shit, Hannah!” He cried.

  He came in her mouth with a force that almost had her stepping back but she stayed where she was and let his orgasm play itself out.

  When his pleasure had subsided and she stretched out beside him he looked her in the eyes, “Marry me,” he said.

  “Nope. Can’t tell the kids about this proposal either. You’re zero for two McMillan. Better step up your game.”

  CHAPTER seventeen

  “So how long are you stayi
ng in town,” Joe asked Charlie as they all sat around Lilly’s kitchen table eating leftover Thanksgiving turkey.

  Charlie swallowed a heaping bite of mashed potatoes, “God Lilly, I love these potatoes. Does Hannah know how to make these?”

  Lilly stifled her laughter.

  When he got no response, he turned to Joe. “I used my two weeks vacation to come home and I was hoping Hannah would return with me over her Christmas break. That way she could start interviewing at some schools. I have a few friends that are teachers. One is a principal at a very cool new charter school and I think we can make something happen.”

  He smiled at her and her insides turned to mush.

  Lilly spoke up, “So Hannah, you’re really thinking of moving, huh?”

  “I know, I know. It’ll be the first time the sisters will be split up, but I have to do what’s best for us, and you already know how much I love the city.”

  “But,” Joe interjected, “You’ll be home after Christmas right? You wouldn’t find a job and leave right away?”

  “She’ll be home,” Charlie said before she could answer. “She has to plan the wedding before I’ll let her move.”

  Silence surrounded the table. Hannah broke it.

  “I’m not planning a wedding until Charles actually proposes.”

  “I guess I missed the getting married part,” Lilly jumped in. “I mean, it’s great, and I want that for you Han, but don’t you think this is all a little fast? Moving to New York, making it legal? Charlie, come on – you just finalized your divorce.”

  “I know that you know my marriage was never a real marriage. Why would I want to wait to start the life I’ve already waited years for? One I never thought would happen in my wildest dreams.”

  Hannah felt his hand on her knee. “She’ll get her proposal when she least expects it, and she’ll come home to plan our wedding so we can start our lives right.

  A sense of warmth settled over her as she listened to him talk with her sister and Joe. He had a plan and she needed to trust in it. This had been the first she’s heard about his teacher friends, or spending the holidays with him, but if he could find her a job and wanted her with him she had no reason whatsoever to deny him. More than that, she wanted to go.